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Dear diary

Some imagined thoughts from Abigail after her husband's death

Wondering about Abigail's grief

We cannot begin to know the emotions and thoughts that someone has felt on the loss of a husband. There is so much involved and everything is personal and unique. But I wondered at the thoughts of Abigail in 1 Samuel ch 25. Her husband seems to have suffered some sort of stroke for 10 days before dying and the story is a little complicated (isn’t everyone’s life!) but I wondered if a page of her diary a few weeks later might read something like the following:

It is a while since I have wanted to write anything here in my diary. Nabal is dead. I am so mad at him. How could he leave me? How could he? He was a hard man—foolish perhaps, but I worked hard for him. I worked hard at loving him. I did my duty and more. I loved him. Yes I loved him.

I lurch from angry, to feeling guilty, to being overcome by grief. One minute I almost forget that he has gone and then the next the tears flow uncontrollably down my face. I went into town this morning and saw a man wearing a coat just like Nabal’s favourite. The sight was overwhelming. It was something so trivial but it touched my soul.

I am weary from crying. Weary and empty. I am worn out by well meaning words which bring it all to the surface again when I had managed to forget for just a moment. The loss weighs heavily on me. Who will look after me? Where can I find comfort? The dawn comes so slowly, the night is so long. Where is the Lord in whom I can put my trust?






We should not expect to feel better in an instant.

The grieving process

The grieving process may have been particularly difficult for Abigail. The relationship with her husband was not all happiness. The end of the relationship was sudden and there was much unfinished business. Even “beautiful and intelligent” women, as the Bible tells us she was, have to adjust to changes in circumstances and this takes much time. Abigail then became swept up in a relationship with David soon after her husband’s death and I can’t help thinking of the complicating effect this may have had on her grieving process.

Counsellors tell us that “uncomplicated grieving” as they call it, takes several years to work through and those with more difficult circumstances may well take longer, or find it more difficult to deal with their loss. We should not expect to feel better in an instant.

The Lord will steer you to healing and wholeness again.

Your heart

I wonder if you are reading this with grief weighing heavily on your heart from the loss of someone close, not necessarily a husband. I have prayed for you as I have written this article. Words of comfort to one person do not always help another and so I offer none but I do say this: If you are finding things particularly difficult I know from personal experience that the Lord will steer you to healing and wholeness again if you place yourself in His capable hands*. You may not feel Him close but he is there.

The hearts of others

Or do you know someone who has suffered a great loss in recent years? Please join with me in praying for their grieving process as the road can be very bumpy. And the road is long—keep praying for them for years to come.

*My father died of cancer when I was a child of 10 and I did not follow a path of uncomplicated grieving. It took a special touch from God to set me off on a path of healthy grieving beginning eight years later.

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This article © Linda Faber 2006-2009.