WIFE  Home

Do not commit adultery

A good law


You have heard that it was said, “Do not commit adultery.” But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5 v27-28

Not so good at "Do not"

First let me say that I believe this law, and Jesus teaching on it, applies equally to women as to men. If you want to debate my view on this, go ahead, but for now I am going to let it stand unqualified.

“Do not commit adultery” Exodus 20. We are not very good, in today’s culture, of seeing the good in a “do not” statement. “Who are you to tell me what to do?” “I am as good as the next person and I am going to do what I like, not as you say.” “If I want to I will, don’t tell me ‘do not’.”

This is a worldly view and is not the business of Christians. We are to humble ourselves and submit ourselves to others within the bounds of Scripture. Here we are not dealing with instructions of others though, we are dealing with God. How many of us would openly tell God that He can’t tell us what to do? Our will is supposed to always be subservient to that of God; if God says “Do not” then we do not. But do we?

God does not say “do not” because He wants to spoil something.

Why does God say “do not”? God is a God of loving-kindness and He has all our needs supplied. He does not say “do not” because He wants to spoil something but because He wants to maintain us in good things. Look at the commandment to not commit adultery. The commandment is to remind us to stay within God’s good supply of a husband; not to stumble out of God’s provision for us into His provision for someone else—no matter what the temptation before our eyes.

Appreciation is not wrong

It is not wrong to appreciate the good character, personable manner, godly habits or God-given features of someone else's husband. We can give thanks to God for the pleasing look of His creation and thank a person for their kindness, without sinning. What is wrong is to crave for those things to ‘belong’ to you when they have been given to another. It is not just any action which you may take to attract these things for yourself which God has in mind, but the attitude of your heart also.

Stay committed to your own marriage

If you have a husband you have no business to look to another to fulfil some, or all, of your relationship needs or commitments. And whether you are married or not, you are not free to look for intimacy with someone else's husband. Your husband may have short-comings but so do you. Commitment to your marriage is the first thing needed for God to bring any growth and healing to any difficulties there (and I know some people have horrendous difficulties). If you look away to another husband you have given up on your own. Walk in the footsteps of Jesus—He will lead you along the right path. He wants to supply all your need, even the needs of your marriage.

The marriage relationship has much to teach us about God Himself and His relationship with the church, and God is keen for the lessons not to be lost in a bad marriage. 

A good husband for you is important to God. The marriage relationship has much to teach us about God Himself and His relationship with the church, and God is keen for the lessons not to be lost in a bad marriage. There may be a long path for some into, or back into, good things—and you may even need outside help, but look only to your own husband and not to someone else’s for those marriage needs as you work at your problems and frustrations. For those of you who may have already broken this command or who have been the victim of the breaking of this command, you already know the journey you are on and how painful that journey is. There is no simple, catch all, advice. A halt is needed if things are still going on which should not be. Repentance and forgiveness are needed. And healing is needed: God can do this no matter how hopeless a situation seems. I do pray that you will seek His healing and way forward.

Since I wrote this article I have received an e-mail requesting that we pray more specifically for Christian marriages. They are under attack because they are God’s good idea and Christian marriages are where Christian children and grand children are best nurtured. Pray specifically for the marriages of Christians for protection, guidance and openness between spouses.

(place holder)

Return to top       Return to Home Page

This article © Linda Faber 2006-2009.